Casey Scott is writing into the advice column, “I Swear I’m Not a Llama” and he’s looking for some answers. Can you help him?!
When I was a teenager, I did some pretty questionable things like stealing my brother’s girl and leaving him to fight a gigantic mother of a monster while I just stood by and watched. But honestly, nobody could really blame me because my older brother Caiden was ALWAYS overshadowing me so who wouldn’t be jealous?
You have to understand how hard it is to get out of the shadow of your perfect, practically superhuman, brother. Especially when your birthday gets delayed twice and you’re stuck living out your high school years from here to eternity while he gets to start his actual life.
Anyways, regardless, I set aside my ego and I made amends with him. Everything was going great. I even became valedictorian. Which honestly, after being in school that long, I better have. I graduated and headed off to University.
But here’s where it all fell apart. I picked a major I hated and got a bit caught up skipping classes in favor of juice pong and dating this girl who’s only goal in life was to throw giant parties. She told me she wanted to move into an off campus apartment with me and have babies so we could throw every type of party together: I’m talking weddings, baby showers, toddler playdates — everything. So obviously I did the only thing I could think of: I cheated on a test, flunked out of school, and moved into my twin brother’s haunted cabin. I mean, maybe I could finally best Caiden as a superhero by becoming a ghost hunter! Sounds legit right?
Well, turns out, being a ghost hunter isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and my twin makes like $10 a day busking for tips on his guitar. Hardly a way to support us both. So I did what any sim in that situation would do – I joined a group that promised to give me some money and help me with my troubles: The Mob.
Things were going great. I was stealing statues. Banking some good money. I even was dating the mob boss’s baby sister, Aubrie. But then my mom found out, flipped her lid, and told me I should quit. Something about our family having enough problems over the years with Summer Holiday stalking our dad and setting fire to the house numerous times. I don’t know. I still think she was overreacting.
But, in the end, I did what she wanted. I quit. I dumped my mobster girlfriend the second she told me she was pregnant and wanted to raise our baby to run an evil empire. Then I called her brother and told him I was out — I truly thought that was the end of it.
But then, as luck would have it, my own little sister made a rash decision over the phone while we were talking and I ended up somehow getting engaged to my college party-addict girlfriend…who I totally forgot about.
So there I was, engaged to a woman I wanted nothing to do with and I had tried to escape once before. That’s when I got the alert that Aubrie had her baby. Feeling kind of bad about ditching her, I decided to go over and meet the baby. Well…push came to shove and I wasn’t very happy with the idea of her raising this cute little offspring of mine as evil.
Thus I did the only thing I could think of: I took our son and ran.
Now I’m on the lam, hiding underground in Strangerville with every door locked and no plans to ever leave. But I really want to find love and put a profile on Cupid’s Corner. I’ve changed my name and my hair…so do you think it’s safe for me to make some dates and bring them down into the bunker?
Just tell me what to do, “I Swear I’m Not A Llama”. I need some answers here.
– Casey
